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Local Government’s Response to Housing Crisis: Aww

Local Government’s Response to Housing Crisis: Aww :'(

The official press release was signed "HAGS," which is an acronym that stands for "Have A Great Summer." This is often used by students signing the yearbooks of classmates who they do not like and have no intention of hanging out with over the summer.

FRESNO – In a swift response to California’s worsening housing crisis and with the deadline for the eviction memorandum fast approaching, local governments across California’s Central Valley have joined forces to form a housing committee to address this crisis head-on. The committee has tasked themselves with a complex issue, but the group has claimed that the Valley’s best is on the case, and together, they would create meaningful change. 

This announcement comes at a most fortuitous time as the housing crisis is more urgent in California than it has ever been before. The COVID-19 pandemic caused a record number of people to lose their jobs and consequently their ability to pay rent, amidst an all-time high for rent prices and lack of available housing.

Today at their first press conference, a representative of the group stated that committee members, “seriously feel, like, soooo bad,” about the housing crisis and that, “someone should really do something about this.” Elaborating, the spokesperson noted that the committee already held their first meeting where everyone really focused on the issue for about 20 minutes, then spent the next 40 minutes of the hour-long session playing a round of virtual Uno. “Committee members had a lot of fun, actually,” the spokesperson claimed. “It was productive in that everyone on the committee had a great time.”

Local Fresno City Councilmember and Committee-Organizer Pete Peterson stated that he was fully committed to fixing this issue, and would dedicate his resources fully to the cause. “I plan to post a Canva infographic my intern will make about housing issues at most once a month,” Peterson pledged. “I usually get about 37 likes per post, sometimes even 50. This will serve as really excellent public outreach.”

The next fair-housing committee meeting hasn’t been set, but a press release from the group has heavily implied that it will be held after the summer concludes, given that the committee signed the press release “HAGS,” which is an acronym for, “Have A Great Summer.” When pressed further about the seemingly cavalier attitude held by the committee towards such an urgent issue, Peterson replied, “Aww, I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m just, like, super busy this summer. You know?”

Do you think your city is doing enough to address the housing crisis?

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CNC Side Eye is strictly satirical. Satire is the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues. Any coincidental use of names is not intentional.